Realism and Resilience: Key virtues to success in life.

As sport is a metaphor for life, the virtues sport can teach may be passed onto life. One key virtue sport teaches is realism, captured in ‘The Serenity Prayer’ attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971) though probably much older. ‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.’ Given my height – 5’7” - I would never be a world class athlete. However, that did not reduce my ambition. I was going to be a saint. In holiness size does not matter. 

In a close relationship with God, comes the virtue of resilience: the ability to adapt to and overcome challenges, adversity, and trauma.It's also known as the ability to "bounce back": to keep on keeping on.

There are always some things we can control and others that we cannot. An athlete can influence his performance by concentrating on technique, fitness knowledge of the sport on the pitch, court, pool or road, but no matter how prepared he strives to be, there is always one thing that cannot be controlled and that is the opposition.  Sometimes you win; sometimes you lose, sometimes you will be happy, sometimes you will be sad.  That’s sport and, indeed, that’s life.  

As the American Thomas Edison (1847-1931) put it, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. Discontent is the first necessity of progress. " 

You can train all the hours of the day and all the days in the week, but if you do so in a desire or a belief in sporting invincibility then you are on the road to depression and despair. Failure, setbacks and disappointment are part of life.  We can only truly appreciate victory, promotions and happiness if we have experienced ‘the other side of the coin’ and so ‘All I can do is to do all I can; do my best and leave the rest to God.’

It is sad, but true that hard work does not always bring success.  Over-ambitious parents praising their children with ‘Well done. You have worked really hard’ trying to convince them that if they do carry on working hard, they will inevitably succeed, run the risk of forgetting that talent and the opposition – on the pitch as a selection for a job – plays its inevitable part. The result? Stress and depression. All you can do is do your best.

In a 2007 study, psychologists Gregory Miller and Carsten Wrosch discovered that adolescent girls who refused to give up on their impossible goals showed elevated levels of CRP – a protein that serves as a marker of systematic inflammation linked to diabetes, heart disease and other medical disorders. 

In 2014, a study by Emily and Luthar Lyman showed a correlation between perfectionist tendencies of middle-class youth with ambitious parents and their vulnerability to feelings of inferiority and substance abuse. The messy, and at times brutal reality, is that having done everything in your power, you still may fail. No sport star that has won everything throughout their life.

Resilience is a virtue that once it has been acquired enables us to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves down and start again. Winston Churchill - remember him? Prime Minister of the United Kingdom(1940–1945, 1951–1955) once said that ‘success if moving on from one failure to another without the loss of enthusiasm’.

On hope – guardian and root of resilience – French is richer that English with its “espérance” – which seems to include eternity - and “espoir” – with its imaginings in space-time. 

Espoir seems to be more focused, and more tangible. Espérance refers more to a state of mind, more like ‘trust in God’, optimism. In daily lives, espoir is used more widely than espérance .

Parents should encourage their children to live lives underpinned by espérance – and protect their children from beating themselves up when they fail. ‘Stuff happens.’ So, keep on, keeping on.  

Failure teaches humility and compassion for others. What is not important is falling down. What is important is getting up. Hence the sacrament of reconciliation.

Who you are – who you have become – is far more important than what you have done. Quality of personality – the shape of your character – is more important than the trophies over your fireplace – or customised shelf.

So, resilience and realism are two vital ingredients in sport and in life.  Know who you are.  Set goals, work hard, be ambitious and realistic, and at the same time, when you experience the set back of a loss of a match, an exam grade you missed, a job interview that saw another candidate succeed, remember that you are not defined by what you have got, but by who you are.  

This was the key message of the charity ‘John Paul 2 Foundation 4 Sport’ I launched in October2011 with its ‘Aim High for All’ programme based as it was on the development of virtues and values enabling us to treat the triumph and disaster as the imposter they really are. 

Be inspired by some of these quotations - and then inspire others.

1. “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” stated Steve Maraboli (born 1975), a decorated military veteran and philanthropist, hascreated, contributed to, and impacted Humanitarian, Education, and Empowerment programs in 40 countries. 

2. “Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare.” teaches Angela Duckworth (born 1970) an American academic, psychologist, and popular science author. She is the Rosa Lee and Egbert Chang Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, where she studies grit and self-control.

3. “The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” We were reminded by Robert Jordan (1948-2007), US novelist author of “The Fires of Heaven”.

4. “Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” And “She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails.” wrote Elizabeth Edwards (1949-2010) an American attorney, author, and health care activist.

5. “‎Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else,” taught Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887), an American Congregationalist clergyman, social reformer, and speaker, known for his support of the abolition of slavery and his emphasis on God's love,

6. “The human capacity for burden is like bamboo - far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.” Declared Jodi Picoult (born 1966) an American writer who has published 28 novels and short stories and has also written several issues of Wonder Woman. Approximately 40 million copies of her books are in print worldwide and have been translated into 34 languages.

7. “If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces.” encouraged Shane Koyczan (born 1976), a Canadian spoken word poet, writer, and member of the group Tons of Fun University. He is known for writing about issues like bullying, cancer, death, and eating disorders. He is most famous for the anti-bullying poem “To This Day” which has over 25 million views on YouTube.

8. “No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That’s the only way to keep the roads clear.” Mused Greg Kincaid (born 1957) American (hence the spelling!) author of A Dog Named Christmas and Christmas with Tucker, is a practicing lawyer in Kansas who helped to start the Changing Lives Through Literature Program and has served as the chairman of the Optimist Oratory Contest for the past seven years.

9. “It is wonderful how much resilience there is in human nature. Let any obstructing cause, no matter what, be removed in any way, even by death, and we fly back to first principles of hope and enjoyment.” We heard from   Bram Stoker (1847-1912) an Irish author who wrote the 1897 Gothic horror novel Dracula. During his life, he was better known as the personal assistant of actor Sir Henry Irving and business manager of the West End's Lyceum Theatre, which Irving owned.

10. “My barn having burned down; I can now see the moon.” Optimised Mizuta Masahide (16157-1723), Japanese poet and samurai who studied under Matsuo Bashō. Masahide practiced medicine in Zeze and led a group of poets who built the Mumyō Hut.

 

11. “Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.” We were reminded by Gever Tulley (born 1962) an American writer, educator, entrepreneur, computer scientist, and speaker.

12. “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it,” speaking from experience, said Margaret Thatcher (1925-2013) Conservative politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1979 to 1990 and Leader of the Conservative Party from 1975 to 1990.

13. “It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.”  Instructed  Dieter F. Uchtdorf (born 1940  in Ostrava, Czechia) a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

14. “Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Encouraged Nelson Mandela (1918-2013) a South African anti-apartheid activist and politician who served as the first president of South Africa from 1994 to 1999. He was the country's first black head of state and the first elected in a fully representative democratic election.

15. “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou (1928-2014) an American memoirist, poet, and civil rights activist. She published seven autobiographies, three books of essays, several books of poetry, and is credited with a list of plays, movies, and television shows spanning over 50 years. She received dozens of awards and more than 50 honorary degrees.

16. “Rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life.” Admitted Joanne Rowling CH OBE FRSL, known by her pen name J. K. Rowling, (Born 1965) a British author and philanthropist. She wrote Harry Potter, a seven-volume fantasy series published from 1997 to 2007.

17 “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” States a Japanese Proverb.

18. “A good half of the art of living is resilience.” Declared Alain de Botton (1969-2003) a Swiss-born British author and public speaker. His books discuss various contemporary subjects and themes, emphasizing philosophy's relevance to everyday life. He published Essays in Love, which went on to sell two million copies.

19. “You must bear losses like a soldier, the voice told me, bravely and without complaint, and just when the day seems lost, grab your shield for another stand, another thrust forward. That is the juncture that separates heroes from the merely strong.” Mused Margaret George (born 1943) an American historical novelist specializing in epic fictional biographies.

20. “Grief and resilience live together.” We were reminded by Michelle Obama (born 1964) an American attorney and author who served as the first lady of the United States from 2009 to 2017, being married to Barack Obama, the 44th president of the United States.

21. “No matter how bleak or menacing a situation may appear, it does not entirely own us. It can’t take away our freedom to respond, our power to take action.”
― Ryder Carroll (born 1980), a digital product designer and inventor of the Bullet Journal.

22. “Forget mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you are going to do right now and do it. Today is your lucky day.” Stated Will Durant (1885-1981) an American historian and philosopher, best known for his eleven-volume work, ‘The Story of Civilization,’

23. “I tried and failed. I tried again and again and succeeded.” Said Gail Borden (1801-74) an American inventor and manufacturing pioneer. He created a process in 1853 to make sweetenedcondensed milk.

24. “The difference between a strong man and a weak one is that the former does not give up after a defeat.” admitted Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) an American politician and academic who served as the 28th president of the United States from 1913 to 1921.

25. “Only those who dare to fail greatly, can ever achieve greatly.”
― Robert F. Kennedy (1925-assaniated 1968) also known as RFK, was an American politician and lawyer. He served as the 64th United States attorney general from January 1961 to September 1964.

26. “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” declared Confucius(c551-c479bce) the first teacher in China who wanted to make education broadly available and who was instrumental in establishing the art of teaching as a vocation. He also established ethical, moral, and social standards that formed the basis of a way of life known as Confucianism.

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